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i know now that i can not start seeing her she to good of a friend, and i dont feel the same way as her.. i told her what i feel and that i just want to be friends.. i dont think she is taking it to well i hope we dont lose our friendship over this..

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the slant

the slant
a building settling around me
my figure female framed crookedly
in the threshold
of the room
door scraping floorboards
with every opening
carving a rough history
of bedroom scenes
the plot hard to follow
the text obscured
in the folds of sheets
slowly gathering the stains
of seasons spent lying there
red and brown
like leaves fallen
the colors of an eternal cycle
fading with the 
wash cycle
and the rinse cycle
again an unfamiliar smell
like my name misspelled
or misspoken
a cycle broken
the sound of them strong
stalking talking about their prey
like the way hammer meets nail
pounding, they say
pounding out the rhythms of attraction
like a woman was a drum like a body was a weapon
like there was something more they wanted
than the journey
like it was owed to them
steel toed they walk
and i'm wondering why this fear of men
maybe it's because i'm hungry
and like a baby i'm dependent on them
to feed me
i am a work in progress
dressed in the fabric of a world unfolding
offering me intricate patterns of questions
rhythms that never come clean
and strengths that you still haven't seen

I was watching Dr Phil show, he pointed out that to feel bad because of your ex is just like giving your power away.

FEEL

Crying is healthy. Have you ever held back your tears or anger and gotten a sore throat or a cold a week later? Some scientific evidence holds that crying prevents such illnesses. Crying is cleansing, yelling is cathartic. Do it on the phone late at night with a good friend until the anxiety, fear, frustration, cycling, and pain exhausts you. Do it to the saddest song you own. Do it til you drop if you have to.

LAUGH

Besides crying, stomping your feet, sighing, and eating certain foods, laughing (yeah, right) is scientifically proven relief for pain. Rent a stack of Adam Sandler or Chris Farley or Ellen DeGeneres videos. Watch sitcoms. Read Woody Allen or Bill Cosby or Erma Bombeck or David Sedaris. Call up the craziest friend you know and take him or her out for lunch and laughs. 

LEARN

Know that people come into our lives to teach us what we need to learn. Know that they leave when the lessons are over. Or, if you don't believe that, know that, as the brilliant psychiatrist, David Viscott, once said, "The failure of a relationship is not the failure of a person." It may feel like it. It may feel like you could have should have would have done things differently and the leaving lover would never have left. Let it feel that way. But let the reality slowly sink in that what's more important now is what you have learned from the beauty and the bruises.

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I try to understand life; so rich and beautiful enough room for a million or two but yet not enough room for the both of us!

Who takes up all the room? me you who...

I try to understand life; Daddy’s little girl get hurt by daddy only once until till the next time, the next time, the next 11yrs of her life.

Who give that little girl life? Me you who...

I try to understand life; a shooting star so bright one moment the next it dies.

Who kills that star? me you who...

I try to understand life; a young lady has had no luck her whole life always falling landing face first only to get up and wipe the dirt off her face to fall again.

Who pushes that girl? me you who...

I understand who is who! who is me you that’s who we are life that’s who..

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I’m reading a book atm called how to kill your husband. now its by Kathy letter I love her she is my favorite author and I picked up the book for $1 so what a bargain!  But the title has put me off a bit, it is still a funny book it’s just the title and I think cause of that I’m taking a little longer to read it... I don’t know why Im letting that put me off but it has... it is a really good book and sooo funny so why have I let this small thing bother me?? Have you read a book like that?

Book’s a world away from the world!! Have you picked up a book that is shitty? And still read the whole lot? No not me I just cant do it... I put it down and never to be seen again.  When I was a little girl I hated to read and I think it was because of that reason that whole thing of made to read a book that I hated and was sooo scared of it can you guess what it was?? Yer it was the bible.